“Resentment and gratitude cannot coexist, since resentment blocks the perception and experience of life as a gift. My resentment tells me that I didn’t receive what I deserve.”
-Henry Nouwen from Return of the Prodigal Son
Maybe the ultimate gift we can give or receive this holiday season is forgiveness. Whether it be extended to us or offered to someone else. Perhaps we need to forgive ourselves for past offenses—some might say this is the most difficult form of absolution to render.
When it comes to pardons and exonerations, nobody—at least in my opinion—had a better grasp of it than a Dutch Catholic Priest and author named Henri Nouwen. My neighbor—who spent time with him in the late 1960s—described him as a man who could “lift you up and put you on a positive path.” His manuscript The Return of the Prodigal Son is without a doubt my favorite book.
The one-hundred and forty-two page work is centered around one of Rembrandt’s last paintings, Return of the Prodigal Son. The 206 x 262 cm oil on canvas is based on The Gospel of Luke’s well-known parable and is displayed at the Hermitage Museum in Saint Petersburg, Russia. Nouwen spent hours upon hours just gazing at his famous countryman’s magnificent interpretation before setting pen to paper. What he wrote should be read by people of all faiths because forgiveness is not just a tenet of Christianity.
While a theologian I am not, I have to thank my former Theology teachers at Saint Ignatius High School—Mr. Healey, Mr. Hogan, Mr. Skerl, and Doc Pennock—for inspiring a love for writings like Nouwen’s. Without going into a ton of detail—as I hope every subscriber to The Empathetic Fox considers reading this—here is a brief summary.
All of us can identify with the prodigal son as everyone needs to be forgiven for a myriad of offenses throughout life. Asking for forgiveness is one of the toughest tasks we humans face, and all too often our pride gets in the way of seeking it. If we are lucky, those we have hurt will set us free from the prison our actions have sentenced us to.
No doubt we have all been the obedient son as well. Nouwen was absolutely intrigued by this son’s representation in the painting. His indignant reaction toward his philandering brother was something we all can relate to, and as a result of the resentment, he was filled with hatred that blocked the gratitude for his brother’s safe return. His bitterness is relatable and arguably the most valuable lesson the eldest son gives us is that animosity prevents the joy a thankful heart can bring.
In the end it is the father that Nouwen believes everyone should strive to emulate. Not only in our ability to forgive others, but ourselves as well. The father shows us the folly of ego and invites us to try to live a life void of anger and recrimination.
Our shortcomings are often pointed out or on full display when we fail to do what is right in the eyes of others. We live in a critical world, and, when coupled with oversensitivity, we are finding ourselves more and more on both ends of the forgiveness spectrum—having to both ask for and grant it.
The unhappiest times of my own life have always been tied to a grudge of some sort. Those grudges would often manifest themselves in the decision to drink. In many ways, this book changed everything for me, and coupled with almost three years of sobriety—which has benefited the sales of Martin’s store brand cookies astronomically—I am at peace with myself, maybe more so now than any other time in my life. It’s a place I never could have arrived at without the graces inherent in forgiveness.
Nouwen’s insights can help all of us in the coming new year and beyond. I hope you consider putting this masterpiece in your Amazon cart for the holidays. What a gift forgiveness would be for each and every one of us. Merry Christmas!
-Tommy O’Sionnach
Beautifully said Ed! Merry Christmas!!!!!
Here’s to forgiving, happiness, Martin’s cookies and a Merry Christmas!