The Meat Loaf Approach

Don't be sad

“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”

-Ann Wilson Schaef

Somewhere in the Pantheon of great nicknames, there is undoubtedly a spot for Marvin Lee Aday’s moniker, Meat Loaf. Generation X is quite familiar with the man responsible for taking rock ballads to the next level when he released his 1977 debut album, Bat out of Hell—an absolute masterpiece. Most would recognize the song Paradise by the Dashboard Light from the legendary vinyl, it was a staple at most high school dances, serving as an anthem for hormonal teenagers everywhere. And, while the beloved classic is the first song most associate with the Loaf, it doesn’t quite resonate like it’s B-side counterpart, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad.

The song—one where the protagonist explains how he will never love a certain woman—is one that hits on various levels when it comes to a myriad of situations in life. It can be applied in countless ways, and for numerous circumstances. Probably the most unlikely result of the song is it’s strong response to what some call the “self-abuse” of perfectionism.

A perfect world to most is one devoid of failures or flaws. Problem is, the chances of that happening are pretty slim. Our expectations lead the way to our let downs, and we will often focus on the one circumstance or event that went wrong, and not the things that are truly good in our lives. I fall into this trap often. So where can we apply Mr. Marvin Lee Aday’s sound advice? In plenty of places.

You may be thinking, C’mon Tommy, when is a 66.7 % success rate ever good? Probably more than we realize. Here are just a few examples, especially when it comes to:

• Weather. I think most folks would take two out of three good weather days every weekend. Sunny all the time doesn’t help the flowers grow. Sometimes you need a little rain.

• Golf shots. Who wouldn’t take that kind of success rate on the golf course? My dream of playing bogey golf could be realized by having two good swings out of every three taken.

• Chicken Wings. Eight out of Twelve evenly-meated wings is sadly a win these days. The inevitability of a few stunted flats, or drumsticks with those enormous growths, have become all too common. Take me back to ten-cent wing night at Pacers in Lakewood, Ohio, where wing deformity was a rarity.

• Good songs on a playlist or satellite radio set. Back in the day, I would have said songs played on the radio between commercials—but modern technology has all but destroyed that wonderful slice of Americana. Two out of three well-known tunes on WMMS in Cleveland, Ohio, equated to good clean living. Long live the Buzzard!

  

• Gamble chocolate selection success rate. The chocolates that come in a box are delightful—if you can string together two out of three good ones. Either way, the mystery of not knowing what is inside of those differently shaped, ornate chocolates does make you feel very much alive.

• Jokes. Sure it depends on who is telling the joke and how it is delivered, but a 66.7% rate of laughter will definitely add days onto anyone’s life. We can’t all be as funny as my younger brother Peter, who usually lands an astronomical 97% of his jokes, with the exception of those attempted at a Knights of Columbus golf outing—tough crowd that day.

• Smiles or Hellos. I find that more and more folks just walk by each other without doing either. A greeting and a genuine smile can go a long way in this world, even if you don’t know the person.

• Group pictures (particularly those that involve young kids). Lining up children and then getting them to simultaneously look and smile is akin to herding cats. If you are able to get two good snaps out of three, you should be nominated for a Pulitzer in photography.

Of course, there are certain situations where Meat Loaf’s sage advice just isn’t acceptable. In my 24 years as a classroom teacher, I cannot recall any one time when I told a student that a 66.7% was a good score on a test. Just as claiming to be a good driver because two out of three times you don’t get into an accident would also be seen as rather ludicrous. So just as with everything else in this world, the beauty of the Meat Loaf approach basically comes down to the eye of the beholder.

I don’t know if I agree with the view of perfectionism being equal to self-abuse. I mean, shouldn’t we at least strive for perfection? The reality of our imperfections and failures is something we all have to live with every single day. It’s good to know that everyone has them, and we are not alone in our shortcomings. I just hope that St. Peter has the same outlook as the late, great Meat Loaf and—while the first Pope is assuredly not a fan of the names he selects for his albums—appreciates it if throughout our lives we brought more good than bad into the world. That would give us all a reason not to be sad.

-Tommy O’Sionnach