“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
This past school year, while walking into school after bus duty, a member of the Altoona Area High School staff greeted me with, “Good Morning, Tom!” I responded back with, “Good Morning, my friend!” I had no clue what this individual’s name was. How could I legitimize a friendship if I didn’t even know this person’s name?
This has happened to me more times than I can count and with each passing year it seems to get worse and worse. Being a teacher certainly doesn’t make things better as there are about one-hundred and fifty new individuals to meet every August. The sponge that is my brain has become rather saturated when it comes to remembering new names and no amount of wringing out seems to help these days.
Science tells us it is the right anterior temporal lobe that’s responsible for name recall. Without getting too neuroscientific on anyone, it’s the part toward the bottom of the brain, kind of near the temple it seems. According to Temple (no pun intended) psychologist Ingrid Olson, name recall can be improved by electrical stimulation. I am probably not alone in saying, “Thanks but no thanks, Ingrid, I’ll pass.”
So what can be done when we draw the inevitable blank while trying to remember someone’s name? Here are some thoughts and/or suggestions.
Use general, yet endearing terms like “buddy”, “pal” or “friend.” Not only will you feel better using a term of endearment, but in the case of “buddy,” you may actually be calling some guy by his actual name. One Saturday night after a basketball victory in college, I was at a party when a guy whose name had escaped me came up and offered congratulations on playing a good game. I responded with “Thanks buddy!” to which he replied, “I didn’t think you knew my name!” What are the chances?
After a moment of conversing with somebody whose name eludes you, ask them how to spell their last or first name. Now, this could be risky because if their first name is Bob or last name is Smith you run the risk of looking rather foolish and things could get awkward.
For times when you are out with a significant other, employ a pre-planned signal that informs him or her that you don’t know the name of the person who clearly knows you. Then, when the signal is given, your partner should interject and introduce him or herself, which will prompt the unknown person to do the same. After this has happened, be sure to include the person’s first name a couple of times throughout the rest of the conversation.
You can just come clean and say you don’t remember. This could possibly upset the individual if you see them often. But you are at least being honest.
Of course these are all remedies for the symptom of not paying attention during introductions. I have beat myself up time and time again for doing just that. Why? Am I that self-absorbed about what’s happening in my own life that I neglect to pay significant attention to the importance of someone’s name? Maybe it’s the constant bombardment of information courtesy of our cell phones? Understanding the reason is beyond me.
Good news is, this happens to pretty much everybody. As I was asking one of our school district police officers the name of the person that was “my friend,” a new member of the force—someone I had been introduced to a few weeks prior—walked over and I just decided to come clean. Once again I had forgotten a staff member’s name, and he could add his name to the list. He replied, “I don’t remember your name either.” Thanks for that, John.
Forgetting names will most likely continue to plague humanity for years to come. I suppose you could add names to that quote from Maya Angelou at the top. No doubt the older we get the happier we are to be at events with name tags!
-Tommy O’Sionnach
Forgetting Names
And, here, all the while, I thought it was just my age.
I definitely use the significant other routine!