Unselfishness and Love

“Meanwhile the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is Monday morning.”

C.S. Lewis, from The Weight of Glory

Eighty-four years ago this June, the renowned theologian and author Clive Staples Lewis, of Narnia fame, delivered one of the most powerful lectures/sermons of the 20th century that very few outside of those who study his works even know about. Delivered June 8, 1941, The Weight of Glory essentially asks the reader to consider the significance of their actions as they will affect how we spend eternity. Like much of C.S. Lewis’ prose, it’s very deep, taking a few readings for me to grasp and comprehend.

Sometimes, the things we read bring to light how we view certain people in our lives, and with this being Mother’s Day weekend, two very special people in my own life came to mind after reading the first part of Lewis’ speech, which was delivered at the University Church of St. Mary the Virgin in Oxford. At the outset, the man, many simply referred to as Jack, stated the following:

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love.

Lewis goes on to say that in his view self-centeredness has crept into and is at the core of unselfishness in today’s world, and I think that is true for some in our society, but certainly not all. If you look at the very definition of the word “unselfish,” you will find it mentions prioritizing the needs, interests, and happiness of others before your own, or simply put, what many of our mothers have done for us throughout their lives. So while Lewis sees the word in a negative light, I do not.

Of course, many mothers have partners to share in the responsibilities when it comes to parenting, but it’s those women who have dealt with and battled through the tragedy of losing a husband, and yet still carried the load of parenthood alone, that most personify the very traits of unselfishness and love. I’m blessed to know two incredible women that have shown me what this looks like.

In 1990 my Godfather, David, died of cancer at age 44. His wife and my Godmother, Mary Ellen, was then tasked with raising their six children, ranging from ages 6 to18, on her own, one of whom is my oldest friend, Tim. At the time, the seventh grade version of myself couldn’t possibly comprehend the strength that would be needed for my Godmother to face what was ahead of her, but looking back on it now, after witnessing her courage and selflessness, I truly stand in awe of my Mom’s best friend.

Jean and Mary Ellen

I’m sure she would be the first to credit those who helped along the way—the Grady family is one of the most tight-knit I know—but she has also never wavered in her Faith. I won the lottery when it comes to Godmothers. On the day of my baptism, my Godmother promised to help raise me in the teachings of the Church. In May of 1990, after losing her husband, she could have thrown in the towel on her Godparenthood and just focused on her own children, but she never did. She was even my Confirmation sponsor the day I proudly took the name David to honor her husband.

I marvel now to see how much she has done, and who she has been for her children and grandchildren, helping them through their own difficult times, one of which was the painful reminder of losing her spouse when her oldest daughter lost her husband to the same wretched disease. Mrs. G is the glue that holds everything together for the Grady clan, and that adhesive is reinforced by her love of Christ and His teachings. Her life has been a testament as to why we need God in our lives, and that, with Him, there is nothing we can’t get through.

In 2017, life came full-circle for me when I began dating the woman who had been my first college girlfriend, Justi. After going our separate ways in 1996, God saw fit to bring us back together 21 years later, and it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Not long after meeting her, my father remarked, “How did you ever let her go?” She’s more special than I can ever explain, and a big reason for this is her unselfish nature, which has not been compromised—as C.S. Lewis claimed—by self-centeredness.

Justi’s husband, Brian, passed away in 2010, leaving her to raise their two sons, who at the time were ages three and eight months, on her own. Justi, like my Godmother, has a level of strength that most couldn’t possibly come to understand due to the grief she has had to endure, which some have said is the ultimate price of love. She has done the work of two, doing so with absolute grace and kindness.

For eight years I have watched her prioritize the lives of her boys above her own, doing everything she can to ensure they have the same experiences and opportunities as those with two parents. She has never asked for pity or had a “woe is me” mentality. She has shown me just how strong love can be, something I mistakenly thought I understood in the past, only to be shown what it’s not. Luckily, God sometimes writes straight with crooked lines, and we found our way back to each other.

On Sunday, as we celebrate the women in our lives who have shaped us into who we are, it’s important to remember those, like my Godmother and fiance, who have carried the weight meant for two all by themselves. They are truly inspirational and deserve to be recognized and celebrated every day of the year. No doubt the cross has come before the crown for them in this life, but their examples of strength, resiliency, unselfishness and love buoy us in a world filled with self-centered people, giving all of us an example to live up to.

Happy Mother’s Day!

-Tommy O’Sionnach